Snuggles

Motherhood brings anxiety and worry. However, I'm pretty open about the anxiety I suffered before I became a mom.

I remember it as far back as my early 20s, but it likely existed before that. I would feel sick on the subway on the way to work, having panic attacks before I knew what they were. Sometimes panic attacks would last for days, taking my appetite along with it. I started dropping weight, not because I was starving myself, but because my stomach would turn and I couldn't finish what was on my plate.

It got to a breaking point where I needed to seek out professional help of a counsellor and a dietitian to get me back on track. And every once in a while, if I find myself in the middle of an anxious moment, I also have medication that can calm me down.

I haven't taken a pill in more than two years and I think it's due to the snuggles.

This weekend, I found myself anxious again - probably worse than I've felt in a long time. Tonight as I put Lucas to bed, tears began to fall and Lucas could sense something wasn't right with me. He looked up at me with his big blue eyes and snuggled in even tighter. Lucas usually reaches for his bed, but tonight he stayed in my arms, his snuggles acting as the best medication of all.

How's that for modern medicine?