The Three Rs: Relapse, Recurrence and Rest

It's been three months since I've started my drug regimen and I have good news to report: no new lesions on my brain since between my MRI in February and my MRI in June. This is great as it means that since my two episodes, there doesn't seem to have been any progression in the disease. Hopefully now that I'm in treatment, we'll continue on this path.

There were a few new developments.

My most recent MRI included my spine - to benchmark as lesions can also develop there. As I anticipated, I have two lesions on my spine and one on my thoracic spine. How could I anticipate this? Ever since my leg numbness in the Fall, I've been extremely tight in my lower right back. Chiropractic and physiotherapy sessions along with yoga/pilates have helped loosen it a bit, but it's never fully released. So now I know.

I also was getting lightning bolt type pains in my left temple. I noticed it here and there, but tuned into my body one day and noticed twinges or bolts of varying severity about every 45 minutes. Think of a contraction in your brain. Troubling.

Luckily, I had my follow-up with my neurologist who informed me that it could be a recurrence of my optic neuritis (which occurred in my left eye). My eyesight was a little blurrier so entirely possible that it had flared up. More troubling is that after I left her office, I proceeded to get these pains in my right temple. In rapid succession. Stronger. More painful. That could mean a relapse.

What to do? I began three days of steroid infusions. We have attacked each obstacle as we go on this journey and I wasn't about to sit back and let it ravage my eyesight again. Thankfully, the bolts subsided and are far less frequent and painful.

However, it did lead me to question why this flare-up happened.

It has been a particularly stressful time both personally and professionally. Without going into details, I clearly wasn't handling the stress the way that I should. Was it the most stressful time that I've experienced in my life? No - I've handled more so I pushed myself through it.

I've come to realize I can't do that anymore. Every day, I am teetering on the edge of an episode. I don't know what might set it off, or how it will present itself. But I do know that there are things I NEED to do for myself to avoid going over the edge. Exercise. Nutrition and proper meals. REST.

I also need to reset my priorities and the standards to which I hold myself. I need to say no to some things that I may like to do, but could mean I sacrifice more of myself than I should. I need to give myself permission to do that and not have a FOMO.

So with that in mind, I'm off to catch a little snooze while Lily naps. And I won't feel guilty about it.