365 Days

It was 365 days ago I was lying in a labour and delivery room at Women's College Hospital in Toronto. Lucas' arrival was imminent and I was scared.

I was scared about being in labour. I was scared about staying overnight in a hospital (I had never done that before). I was scared about how my life was going to change. I was scared about being a good mother. I was scared about this little life being put into my hands - to grow, nurture and love.

And then in the wee hours of June 28th, he arrived. More accurately, we went in and got him. He was beautiful - and big at 9 lbs. 1 oz. And he was all ours.

My fear went away when he was first put on my chest. When he snuggled in for a snooze after a rather dramatic entrance into the world.

Sometimes the fear creeps up on me. When we are having an especially hard day. When Lucas is sick or cranky or tired or hungry - or all of the above, which feels like the world is coming to an end.

And then he smiles, giggles, gives me a hug and a kiss and again the fear disappears.

Happy birthday to my little man - the best work I've ever produced.

You Say Pretentious, I Say Smart?

In previous posts I mentioned that we have a rather large extended family. All of our parents are divorced, and now remarried with stepsiblings, half siblings, full siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and great grandparents in the mix.

Lucas turned 11 months old today and his first birthday is fast approaching. When discussing his party, a small family gathering just isn't in the cards with our blended broods so we've decided to host an open house. Friends and family can stop by at their leisure, with our anchor being the all important cake moment.

My husband suggested we have it catered. On many levels, this is a good idea. As a Type A mommy, I run the risk of stressing myself out over all the details - food, decorations, beverages, cake etc. Having it catered allows me to enjoy my guests as well as revel in the miracle that graced our presence one year ago.

However, there is a little voice in my head. One that used to laugh at moms who would cater a one-year-old's birthday party. I mean, isn't that rather pretentious?

But now sitting on the other side, I see it as a godsend. And one that I will gladly take on, even if there are moms snickering behind my back.