Frankie Says Relax

I've always had a tough time letting things go. I can relax - but in the back of my mind, thoughts sit. Sometimes for days, weeks or even years.

When I became a mom, it intensified. The 'what ifs' became paralyzing and panic inducing worry. I'm a planner by nature so to have this bundle of energy bouncing around whom I wanted to shield from harm was a tough life lesson.

I used to have a boss that would recite the AA Prayer for Serenity. You know the one - "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change" and so on...

I have finally learned what it means.

It means that any mistakes I have made in past will always be there and I cannot change them. All I can do is learn from them and do my best not to repeat them.

It means that I am not perfect and never will be. So I should allow myself to just be.

It means that I will never have total control. I should just focus on what I can control and not obsess over what I can't.

It means that all things, good and bad, are possible. The important question to ask is if they are probable and gain a little perspective on those stressful situations.

I will likely battle anxiety all my life, but with the help of a great therapist, friends and family, I have taken a step back to evaluate how I want to live my life, grow my career and enjoy my family.

Just relax.

After The Dust Settles

Since my last post, I have received so many messages of love and support that I want to start by thanking you all.

One note in particular commented that I must be Superwoman to have survived the miscarriage, left my job, moved house, undergone renovations and start up my own company all within about two months. After seeing that laundry list of life changes, I'm not quite sure how I did it.

First things first - I am not Superwoman. Far from it. Knowing that each one of those life changes on its own carries a significant amount of stress, I'm not sure if I had a choice, I would've done it the same way.

But I didn't have a choice. I needed to pick myself up, dust myself off and move on. In no way does this diminish the upheaval and chaos that was going on, but I really do believe that's what parents do. Keep calm and carry on.

In feeling like I had failed that pregnancy, I could not allow myself to fail my family at that critical time.

And after the dust has settled on our move, my employment shift and the miscarriage, we're happy in our new home, business is swinging and hope for another member of our family has returned. All is well.