Where Do I Start?

Much has happened since my last entry - each event deserving of its own post, which will come in time.

What has been taking up most of my focus as been the transition into our new home. After securing the keys almost two weeks ago, we have been feverishly moving forward with renovations. I have become the default project manager, driving to every home improvement store to find tile, a toilet, vanity, paint - I even hauled a bathtub on my own.

Where do I find the time you ask? Well, that is one of the most significant pieces of news. I resigned my job.

The team that I worked with was amazing. Some of the most creative, enthusiastic, hard working folks you will ever find. I was good at my job - at least I think so. I enjoyed the client work as well as motivating the team to achieve great results. But I wasn't happy.

When I returned to work after my maternity leave, I was energized and excited. I had been promoted and was ready to tackle the challenges of my new position. About six months in, what I like to call a Perfect Storm occurred. A Perfect Storm is when the universe aligns to try and knock you down. There was a major departure at the office and some major challenges on the homefront (which I have blogged about) that threw me off my game. That period left me drained.

After some long talks with my husband, I made the difficult decision to leave my job, without a new one on the horizon. The change in my life that I have experienced since is considerable. In addition, the outpouring of support that I have received from family and friends has been incredible. It's a scary thing to take this leap and do things on my own terms, however the encouragement that surrounds me has kept me motivated and inspired.

Do I miss it? On some days, I miss the colleagues and the clients who kept me on my toes. But now, the best client of all is the two-year-old boy who challenges me every day to be the best mom I can be.

BOUGHT!

In just about three weeks time, we are moving into our new house in North Leaside. I found myself dreaming about the house and we've spent several weekends exploring the neighbourhood. We've fallen in love with it even more.

This is just one of the changes going on right now - more to post soon!

SOLD!

For the past year, we have been searching for our dream house in our dream neighbourhood. Unfortunately, our dreams are similar to many others and we have yet to find that elusive house.

In our current neighbourhood, the market has been hot so we bit the bullet, put our house on the market, and in two days it was SOLD! We were shocked with how fast it all happened - so fast that I didn't have time to fully experience how bittersweet it was.

This was our first house. My husband carried me over the threshold. We put hours of blood, sweat and tears into making it home. It was Lucas's first home. We brought him home from the hospital, swaddled him and laid him down in the cradle next to our bed. His first room with his monkey curtains. His play area where he rolled over, crawled, stood up and took his first steps. So many milestones and memories that this little house holds.

Maybe now it will be the home for new memories for a new family.

How Time Flies

It's been almost three months since my last post. At last check, our family was still reeling from my husband's hockey injury, having a not-so-restful holiday season and I was settling into a rather heavy routine of being primarily responsible for Lucas.

Now my husband is back on his feet (with a little limp), Lucas is as happy as ever, and I'm...well, I'm exhausted.

My body told me this week to take it down a notch, as I was the sickest I had been in months, with a fever and infection that necessitated a trip to the doctor and antibiotics. If I hadn't gotten sick, who knows if I would've stopped to take a breath.

It was while I was forced to rest that I realized that moving at such a high speed through my life, I've missed those little things that make life worth living. Lucas has learned so many words, but I race through his bedtime because I know the red light on my Blackberry is flashing with items I must respond to. I sometimes sleep the evening away because my energy level is shot (and it's not another pregnancy!).

So this weekend, I slowed down. I spent some quality time with my little man and his Grandma. We sang songs and took a trip to the library. Then when my husband returned home from his business trip, we went for brunch at our favourite family restaurant and watched some of our favourite shows together this evening.

I'm sure that little red light is still flashing. But it can wait.

Holiday Cheers and Tears

The holidays are always a chaotic time - going from holiday party, to family gathering to work festivities can really run someone down. Our holiday season became so much more difficult on the night of the 23rd.

My husband plays recreational hockey. It's a competitive league and his team is quite skilled. I've gone to watch him play and every once in a while, you see players who play recklessly. Unfortunately, my husband faced such a player, whose rough housing sent my husband careening into the boards. After a sleepless night in emergency at Sunnybrook, my husband had surgery on Christmas Eve to repair a dislocated and broken ankle.

Where was Lucas in all of this? Luckily, his uncle came over (and stayed till 4 am) till we returned from the hospital and his grandparents took him the following day as Daddy went under the knife.

I'll post at a later date about the circumstances of the injury (we're waiting to hear what action the league will be taking), but as you can imagine, our holidays became a lot more complicated with Daddy hobbling around on crutches.

I spent a lot of time in tears - mostly from exhaustion, but also from anger that someone could do this damage to our family and show no remorse (there was no apology following the game). I guess I'm still angry.

Looking ahead, it won't just be the holidays. I am now primarily responsible for all daycare drop-offs and pick-ups, having to alter my own work commitments to my employer and team. I take on the majority of baths, diaper changes, carrying Lucas anywhere/everywhere, putting him in the car, taking him out of the car, picking him up...the list goes on.

It's still questionable if my husband will ever be able to play competitive hockey again. I'd be happy if he's able to take the ice with Lucas and teach him how to play. But you can be sure we'll be teaching him how to play smart.

Single Santa?

Last Christmas, Lucas was just six months old, thus he wasn't really aware of Santa and presents. Sure, the gift wrap was a hoot to play with, but he couldn't comprehend where the presents came from and why.

In previous posts, I mentioned the four sets of grandparents (and other extended family) that Lucas is lucky to have. Last year, Lucas had a gift from Santa at each house (including ours) as well as a stocking.

This year, he's a little more aware. As I was wrapping presents, he watched and waited, only to try and tear a piece off once complete. He thinks the tree is funny with all its lights and helped us decorate and sing songs.

Next year will be a critical year.

I'm of the mind that Santa should visit one house. Our house. On Christmas morning. I know this takes away a bit of the magic for our grandparents, but I'm also aware of how spoiled Lucas could be thinking Santa leaves a gift for him everywhere. A single Santa visit will be more than enough for Lucas and his grandparents (and family) can spoil him with gifts directly from them. And isn't that still a bit magical too?

Snuggles

Motherhood brings anxiety and worry. However, I'm pretty open about the anxiety I suffered before I became a mom.

I remember it as far back as my early 20s, but it likely existed before that. I would feel sick on the subway on the way to work, having panic attacks before I knew what they were. Sometimes panic attacks would last for days, taking my appetite along with it. I started dropping weight, not because I was starving myself, but because my stomach would turn and I couldn't finish what was on my plate.

It got to a breaking point where I needed to seek out professional help of a counsellor and a dietitian to get me back on track. And every once in a while, if I find myself in the middle of an anxious moment, I also have medication that can calm me down.

I haven't taken a pill in more than two years and I think it's due to the snuggles.

This weekend, I found myself anxious again - probably worse than I've felt in a long time. Tonight as I put Lucas to bed, tears began to fall and Lucas could sense something wasn't right with me. He looked up at me with his big blue eyes and snuggled in even tighter. Lucas usually reaches for his bed, but tonight he stayed in my arms, his snuggles acting as the best medication of all.

How's that for modern medicine?