Learning a Lesson

Let me first state that I don't know the family of Michelle Yu, any reason why should would end up in Vancouver or what transpired. However, as a parent, it's been interesting to observe both the circumstances and the eventual outcome.

Last night, Michelle Yu spoke with media at 10 pm outside of her home. When it was first tweeted out that she would do so, my husband wondered aloud why they would put a kid in front of the media to answer questions and face scrutiny. My immediate answer was that I believed her parents were teaching her a lesson.

It seems reasonable now that she headed west of her own accord, not under duress. She worried her family, friends and community. At 18, she could be considered an adult, even if her actions seemed childish. I remember as a kid packing up a bag to move in with my dad (or run away) after a disagreement of some sort with my mom. But I knew better.

If in fact her parents believed she should publicly apologize to all those that she worried, as well as the police resources she took up with the search, I agree with them. There are consequences for each action and though Michelle may have been embarrassed, she needed to face up to the chaos that her actions caused.

I watched the clip of the press conference. As a professional communicator, I understood the prepared statement she read, but I also recognized the shame she felt. It was honest and real. It is a valuable lesson that I believe her parents chose to teach her and one she won't soon forget.

Putting the Work in WAHM

It's been a while since my last post and that's a good thing. I was knee deep in a major project with a client for my business (more about what I do can be found here). I was invigorated, excited, motivated and energized about what I was doing, which is a feeling I hadn't felt in a long time.

I've written about how I found the transition from office to home challenging. A social creature by nature, the solitude was sometimes too much to handle. So I solved that problem with my business.

Part of my process is to immerse myself in my client's office environment. Experience and observe, audit and report. It means a change of scenery with every new project, meeting new and interesting people and learning about some fascinating work.

When I returned to my home office at the end of my observation period, I hunkered down for two weeks writing my report. This time it wasn't so challenging. The focus and comfort of my home office continued to fuel me.

The other thing I've managed to do is shut my office door at the end of the day and focus on my family. I leave work at the computer. And yes, sometimes I spend an evening or a Sunday afternoon tapping away on the keyboard, but that's out of inspiration, unlike in past when it's been a requirement.

I certainly may not be a WAHM for the rest of my life, but I've seemed to find a balance of both worlds which suits me just fine.

Frankie Says Relax

I've always had a tough time letting things go. I can relax - but in the back of my mind, thoughts sit. Sometimes for days, weeks or even years.

When I became a mom, it intensified. The 'what ifs' became paralyzing and panic inducing worry. I'm a planner by nature so to have this bundle of energy bouncing around whom I wanted to shield from harm was a tough life lesson.

I used to have a boss that would recite the AA Prayer for Serenity. You know the one - "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change" and so on...

I have finally learned what it means.

It means that any mistakes I have made in past will always be there and I cannot change them. All I can do is learn from them and do my best not to repeat them.

It means that I am not perfect and never will be. So I should allow myself to just be.

It means that I will never have total control. I should just focus on what I can control and not obsess over what I can't.

It means that all things, good and bad, are possible. The important question to ask is if they are probable and gain a little perspective on those stressful situations.

I will likely battle anxiety all my life, but with the help of a great therapist, friends and family, I have taken a step back to evaluate how I want to live my life, grow my career and enjoy my family.

Just relax.

A Kindred Spirit

Since coming out about our miscarriage last summer, I have experienced a kinship from women, near and far, who have been through the same thing. Some have said I am brave for being so open, but I don't think of it as brave, I think of it as real.

I recently read this post on Yummy Mummy Club by Kat Inokai Pembleton (you can follow her on Twitter @bumpandhustle). I immediately re-tweeted and reached out to Kat to tell her how much I appreciated her post.

She has been through so much and I could identify with her feelings and resulting anxiety. I appreciate how much she has shared and believe she is the true definition of brave. She continues to try and doesn't give up hope. And if she can, I can.

Please take a moment to read and share. You never know who might need it.

Go Back in Time

Most of my recurring dreams involve being back in the one bedroom basement apartment my mom and I shared until I was 12. I can recall all the little details, like the original brown rug over the cement floor and the scary storage room off my bedroom.

I also dream about being back in high school, retaking my OACs to get better marks, even though I've already completed university. This includes me forgetting my lock to claim one of the coveted lockers in the music wing on the first day of school.

I often wonder why I go back to these times in my life to relive different memories. I know there is nothing that I can do to change what has happened in the past, so I wonder if my subconscious tries to go back to satisfy the perfectionist that lives deep within me.

I'm able to remember everything so vividly, like it's seared into my brain and I wonder, will Lucas have these same memories? Will there be stuff that he won't forget, or worse, forgive?

Nevermind I will have to explain to him what OACs are.

Working from Home - A Solitary Existence

It's been about six months since I officially started my life as a work at home mom (or WAHM). It is not without its ups and downs.

I am a VERY social person. Those who have met me in real life will know that even that is an understatement. So imagine going from working within the buzz of a busy office to a quiet house. When I worked from home on occasion in the past, I was very productive. I would hunker down and plow through billable hours. I loved the focus it gave me and how much I could get done when I wasn't interrupted.

At first, it was bliss. Then I started to get cabin fever. As a person prone to anxiety, being alone with my thoughts was not a good thing. So I switched up my routine. I recognized the importance of having a break in the day, whether it be lunch with a friend/colleague, running errands or treating myself to a pedicure. I also changed my scenery, working from the local Starbucks or taking over a desk at my husband's office.

Skype has also turned into a lifeline into the outside world. In past I've only used it for chats with grandparents, but now it's an IM tool and easy to quickly chat with fellow consultants also working from home.

As for the buzz of a busy office? Having some white noise in the background, whether it be the talking heads debating NHL trades on TSN 1050 or iTunes blaring, it keeps the house from feeling too silent.

Just like at the office, the to do list is never ending and can cause distraction. Taking a trip to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee can turn into 30 minutes of emptying the dishwasher and tidying up. It can be convenient to throw a load of laundry in during the day, but I have to keep it from taking over my day.

So all in all, six months in, I'm enjoying this new set-up even though I've had to adjust my traditional working style. My business has officially launched with a few agencies coming on board to work with me, which gives me the confidence that I made the right decision. Just call me a WAHM.

Toddler Travel

We have traveled a lot with Lucas. In fact, he has been more places in his 2.5 years than I think I did my whole childhood. He's been to Orlando (x3), Nashville, Vancouver, Tucson (x2), San Diego/California, Mont Tremblant and Ottawa, not to mention numerous road trips to the cottage, London and Collingwood.

When we first started out, I was very nervous to travel with him. I didn't want to be the parent unable to calm their child down should he start crying. I brought one of everything to ensure we were prepared. I was scared.

But our travel style has evolved as has my comfort level.

Lucas pulls his own Thomas suitcase that has his snacks, toys and books. We bought the lightest umbrella stroller possible and have a handy red Gate Check bag to leave it at the plane door. This last trip I retired his diaper bag in favour of a diaper pod (or purse) that easily clips to other bags. We load up the Playbook with movies and video clips as well as having the iPhone charged for games and music.

With every trip I have learned what we need and what we don't need, downsizing each time, hoping to diminish much of the stress that travelling entails. And Lucas has become comfortable with going on an airplane, train or travelling long distances in the car.

That's not to say we don't have the occasional meltdown (often when nap time is near), but I'm glad I didn't let the fear keep us from travelling at all. We wouldn't have so many great memories if I had.