Working from Home - A Solitary Existence

It's been about six months since I officially started my life as a work at home mom (or WAHM). It is not without its ups and downs.

I am a VERY social person. Those who have met me in real life will know that even that is an understatement. So imagine going from working within the buzz of a busy office to a quiet house. When I worked from home on occasion in the past, I was very productive. I would hunker down and plow through billable hours. I loved the focus it gave me and how much I could get done when I wasn't interrupted.

At first, it was bliss. Then I started to get cabin fever. As a person prone to anxiety, being alone with my thoughts was not a good thing. So I switched up my routine. I recognized the importance of having a break in the day, whether it be lunch with a friend/colleague, running errands or treating myself to a pedicure. I also changed my scenery, working from the local Starbucks or taking over a desk at my husband's office.

Skype has also turned into a lifeline into the outside world. In past I've only used it for chats with grandparents, but now it's an IM tool and easy to quickly chat with fellow consultants also working from home.

As for the buzz of a busy office? Having some white noise in the background, whether it be the talking heads debating NHL trades on TSN 1050 or iTunes blaring, it keeps the house from feeling too silent.

Just like at the office, the to do list is never ending and can cause distraction. Taking a trip to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee can turn into 30 minutes of emptying the dishwasher and tidying up. It can be convenient to throw a load of laundry in during the day, but I have to keep it from taking over my day.

So all in all, six months in, I'm enjoying this new set-up even though I've had to adjust my traditional working style. My business has officially launched with a few agencies coming on board to work with me, which gives me the confidence that I made the right decision. Just call me a WAHM.

Toddler Travel

We have traveled a lot with Lucas. In fact, he has been more places in his 2.5 years than I think I did my whole childhood. He's been to Orlando (x3), Nashville, Vancouver, Tucson (x2), San Diego/California, Mont Tremblant and Ottawa, not to mention numerous road trips to the cottage, London and Collingwood.

When we first started out, I was very nervous to travel with him. I didn't want to be the parent unable to calm their child down should he start crying. I brought one of everything to ensure we were prepared. I was scared.

But our travel style has evolved as has my comfort level.

Lucas pulls his own Thomas suitcase that has his snacks, toys and books. We bought the lightest umbrella stroller possible and have a handy red Gate Check bag to leave it at the plane door. This last trip I retired his diaper bag in favour of a diaper pod (or purse) that easily clips to other bags. We load up the Playbook with movies and video clips as well as having the iPhone charged for games and music.

With every trip I have learned what we need and what we don't need, downsizing each time, hoping to diminish much of the stress that travelling entails. And Lucas has become comfortable with going on an airplane, train or travelling long distances in the car.

That's not to say we don't have the occasional meltdown (often when nap time is near), but I'm glad I didn't let the fear keep us from travelling at all. We wouldn't have so many great memories if I had.

Better Late Than Never

I have always been a punctual person. I hated being late for school. If I arrived with less than 10 minutes before the bell rang, I felt like I was running late all day. I like being early and settling into my day, appointment, or whatever the task at hand.

Then Lucas came along and suddenly, I was always late.

We could be moments from going out the door and a diaper explosion would occur, delaying us in our journey. Or a spit up. Or crying bloody murder until he got a bottle etc. Now it's sometimes a chase around the house trying to put on boots or jackets. Lucas can actively deploy delay tactics to keep us from arriving at our destination on time.

This causes me great anxiety.

I believe when you are late, you are basically telling the other person that your time is more important than theirs. I had a boss several years ago that would close the door and start the meeting on time. This is a practice I carried along in my professional life, as if I had started a meeting late, it was disrespectful to those who arrived on time. I've had colleagues say they often accepted my meeting requests because they knew I would start and end on time, respecting the other priorities they had in their day.

So imagine how I must feel knowing that this 3-foot-nothing toddler can now wreak havoc with my clock and the calendar? Now when we say we will be somewhere, it is often preceded with an "around" or followed by an "ish." We will be there around 4ish.

I've had to relinquish my stranglehold on the clock, recognizing that late is better than never.

All You Need is a Little Perspective

All mothers worry. It's in our nature. Basically as soon as we know we are growing another human inside of us, all of our wants/needs become secondary.

One of the things I most worry about with Lucas is his language development. He didn't start forming words as fast as some of his friends who are younger than him. Sentences didn't come easily. His diction and pronunciation are not as clear. I know boys usually develop at a slower rate than girls but I still worried.

Then I looked back at this video in the fall. It was taken last Easter in our old house - Lucas's first Easter egg hunt. It's rather long but the most critical thing I remember is at the end of the video, we ask him to say Happy Easter and he just emits some sounds. He had very few words and that was less than a year ago.

Now he asks "What you doing, Mama?" and says "Thank you Mama for making dinner." It puts all my worrying into perspective that only several months ago, he couldn't communicate at all and now he is forming sentences. Yes, it may be slower than some of his friends, but he is still progressing, picking up new words every day.

Getting this perspective also helps me relax as a mom. Lucas is doing just fine. And so am I.

Social Media Saved My Sanity

Those dark, early days of motherhood are a blur. Sleeping, feeding, eating, changing diapers - repeat every two hours. Some days I didn't know what was up or down. I couldn't remember if I had brushed my teeth that morning. I would forget to eat (or I would choose sleeping over eating). The world was still going on around me, but I was in this magic bubble of motherhood.

Prior to the birth of Lucas, my husband gifted me with a netbook for our anniversary. With a 10 inch screen, it could be easily balanced on one knee. At the time, we only had a desktop computer, so his rationale was to give me more flexibility on staying connected once Lucas came. Little did he know that it would become a life saver.

Within arms reach were so many resources for me - and new mom sites pop up every day. Yummy Mummy Club, Urban Moms, ParentCentral, Baby Center and so many more had articles and posts that I could turn to in a time of need.

The most important of these were Facebook and Twitter.

Facebook allowed me to reach out to friends and family with questions and concerns - some of whom I haven't seen since grade school, high school or university days. We were suddenly connected again through this common bond. Friends of friends were sharing information via my comments thread so I created a group for them to connect directly (now archived due to Facebook's new groups settings - I was unable to transfer for reasons unknown).

Twitter also allowed for the opportunity to go outside of my Facebook circle and lean on moms all over the world. I still follow the #zombiemoms on Twitter, who trade secrets and advice at the wee hours of the morning while breastfeeding, watching over a sick child, or unable to sleep with the worries of the world on their shoulders.

The netbook was so easy to type and handle while also nursing an infant. I felt like I was participating and not just cooped up at home.

A couple of months after Lucas was born, I received an iPhone for my birthday, which allowed even more flexibility. At the drop of a hat, I can instantly reach out to so many lovely parents to bend their ear or share a funny story.

So for some expectant mothers who have asked how to prepare for the baby ahead, I've suggested they surround themselves with resources. Parents who have been there and can share. It will make those early days feel not so dark.

Just like US! Beyonce Edition

Baby Blue Ivy Carter joined the world on Saturday and to commemorate her birth, proud papa Jay-Z released the song Glory, featuring a little B.I.C. crying at the end.

I totally identify with the feelings of elation that Jay-Z documents, but it wasn't until I read the lyrics that I truly felt connected to this song.

He reveals that he and Beyonce suffered a miscarriage before the pregnancy with Blue Ivy.

I've posted on this site that many couples who face this tragic event know that it is 'common' - it's often the first thing that people say when they find out. But it doesn't make it any less devastating. A tweep I followed started a website where couples that experience the loss of a baby, at whatever stage, can share their experience. Unspoken Grief tries to eliminate the stigma around discussing miscarriages etc.

In sharing my loss, I've connected with so many that have shared their own loss, maybe even for the first time. So my reaction to learning about the loss that Jay-Z and Beyonce suffered intrigued me.

These are people I have never met and will likely never meet - but I feel closer to them. And I applaud them for breaking their silence and sharing their loss, in hopes that it will truly make women like me know that it can happen to anyone and it is truly out of our control.

It also shares hope. That out of that grief, they went on to have a healthy baby Blue. The baby that was meant to be.

Congrats to the Carter family and thank you for giving me more reasons to hope.

2011: Annus Horribilis

The last year was probably the most challenging I've experienced in my life. Personally, professionally, physically, emotionally and mentally I was pushed to my limits. Many of those experiences I've documented on this blog and others I've kept private, as it was something that I needed to tackle on my own.

However there are still many things I have learned.

I learned when to ask for help, when I can no longer help myself.

I learned what I can handle and what I can't.

I learned how to speak up for myself and what I believe in.

I learned to apologize more often.

I learned that my son is a blessing that I should be thankful for every day, even in the midst of a meltdown.

I learned that there are things that are out of my control and that's okay.

I learned how to take some risks, and that betting on yourself isn't a risk.

I learned that I need to take care of myself, so that I can take care of others.

I learned that a hug and a kiss CAN make it all better.

So I look to 2012, hoping that I learn just as much but under happier circumstances. Sayonara 2011 - don't let the door hit you on the ass.