The First Cut is the Deepest

My perfect little angel has his first blemish. Three stitches. Like his grandfather, aunt and his mother before him, Lucas will now have a lovely scar on his forehead. Guess leading with your head runs in the family.

After a spill at daycare last week, we spent my husband's birthday evening at Toronto East General, watching Treehouse, having snacks and waiting for the sutures.

I had to leave the room while the nurse and my husband held down Lucas, hearing his cries of "All Done, All Done!" After several hours in emergency, he drifted off to sleep on the car ride home. At home, some snuggles and whimpers and he soon settled down in his own bed.

His parents however were far from bed. The trip to the hospital had exhausted us but it was only then we could let down our guard and shed the brave faces we kept up for Lucas. I gasped when I first saw how deep the gash was but knew he would take my lead - if I reacted, he would react. So we stayed strong and calm until we were alone.

Lucas has been a model patient. He lets me treat his stitches and change his dressing daily, has learned a new way to wash his hair and listens when we stop him from jumping and banging about.

And we keep reminding him, chicks dig scars.

Whirlwind

Life is a whirlwind.

One major change since returning to work - minutes, hours and days seem to fly by. To be fair, there were days during my maternity leave that both dragged and whizzed by, but nothing like I am experiencing now.

It feels like everything is at a breakneck speed. I barely find time for lunch, similar to those early days with Lucas. I have to remind myself to eat, drink water, take a breath.

It's exhilarating. Re-establishing relationships, getting up to speed on projects and finding new opportunities to immerse myself in. I'm really enjoying being back at work, and I haven't felt any twinges of guilt (except the one time I picked up Lucas so close to 6 pm that he was the last one at daycare).

But I wouldn't complain if things slowed down just a bit. I'd like to eat.

New Routines

Time has flown by. Ten days ago I was returning to my career and now maternity leave feels like a lifetime ago.

The most challenging part is finding a rhythm in a new routine.

If we are lucky enough to wake up before Lucas (and not wake him in our movement around the house), we hope to get showers in along with any other prep. If Lucas wakes up, our routine shifts again as he needs a change and a bottle, with one of us tending to him as the other gets ready.

Then if we are lucky enough to get out the door, who's dropping Lucas at daycare - made infinitely more difficult this week with my office in the G20 red zone and cautions about driving to work.

Fast forward to 5 pm. Picking up Lucas, getting him home, trying to have a family meal together without getting dangerously close to bedtime.

Sprinkle in Lucas getting sick, then me getting sick and it's been an interesting week and a half.

And So It Begins...

Lucas begins his transition into daycare tomorrow.

Part of me is excited for all of the adventures he will have and the friends he will make.

And there is a part of me that has been holding him just a little bit tighter this weekend, taking a few extra snuggles and kisses wherever I can.

I went to daycare as a kid and I loved it. I was an only child so the friends that I had there were so important to me. Lucas is so good-natured that I know he will adjust well. He's already begun to take to his teacher and is very comfortable in the playroom.

So what will I do this week as he transitions? I have a laundry list of things to do - which ironically does not include laundry.

First, select the menu and caterer for his birthday party at the end of the month. Stop by the office for a visit before I officially begin next week.
Painting and odd jobs around the house prepping it for sale.
A pedicure and eyebrow waxing (fascinating I know).
Clothes shopping - for me, not for him.
Finally to top it off, a facial and massage at the Elmwood. That's my treat.

I'm hoping to keep the blog up after I return to work, but I'm sure my time is going to be crunched. And spare moments with Lucas will take precedence.

PS - for those who saw my bully post regarding my neighbour, upon my last encounter with his two sons, they taunted and teased Lucas while he was making noises in his stroller. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Hallelujah!

We have found a daycare spot.

When Lucas was still in utero, we put ourselves on the waiting lists of two local daycares that provide infant care. Really, at least a year in advance has to mean we have a shot, right?

Wrong.

My return date to work is fast approaching and we were the next NEXT spot on our preferred daycare. So a back-up plan needed to be put into place.

We started to look into home daycare providers. At first, we were disappointed. Again, I will remind loyal readers that my mom has been in daycare for 30 years, so I was looking for a certain experience. We met some very lovely home daycare providers, however the experience that Lucas would have in their home left much to be desired from my perspective. With some, it didn't even look like kids were in the home on a regular basis.

But then a saviour came in the form of a mommy friend I met through Rainbow Songs. She had a space in a home daycare centre for her son in September and suggested I give them a call. The centre is in the preferred neighbourhood for our house hunt so it seemed ideal as we would avoid pulling Lucas out of familiar surroundings if we find a house.

I called Friday. They had a spot for June! Even better, we went for a tour on Saturday and were extremely pleased with what we found. The parent references provided gave us additional peace of mind and we're calling tomorrow to confirm the spot.

It's bittersweet but I can rest easy that Lucas will be in good hands. Hallelujah!

Daycare Dilemma

Let me preface this post by saying my mother works in daycare. She has my entire life and I truly believe she is the gold standard of early childhood educators. My mother has been the supervisor at three different centres but has returned to teaching as she really enjoys being with the kids.

I'm returning to work in June - and child care is becoming an urgent issue.

We put Lucas on waiting lists for two centres in our area before he was born and surprise, surprise, we still don't know if he has a spot. We're now looking into home care providers but my background knowledge of childcare through my mother really makes me quite picky.

Activities are important - not just playing with toys but experimenting with arts and crafts, improving cognitive skills, hand/eye coordination as well as language skills.

On the plus side, the cost savings are significant.

But I wonder about if we will put him into the right place for him - that will help him grow and develop the way we hope he will. That will provide him with direction and care and love.

And don't even get me started on the career mom guilt that is creeping up on me.

Avoiding the Countdown

For the past few weeks, I have been avoiding the calendar. I haven't wanted to see how many weeks were left of my maternity leave and my time with Lucas. When people ask when I am returning to work, I say "June" which in my mind is three months away.

But I know it's a lot closer than that. I know that it's likely as many weeks as I have fingers on both hands (but I don't know for sure - not counting down!). Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to resuming the adult portion of my life, but I can't imagine only seeing Lucas' face for an hour or so in the morning and maybe a couple of hours at night. And what will my little boy do without me?

Today, I spent the morning with my colleagues at our "retreat," leaving Lucas with one of his lovely grandparents. The time was valuable for me to reconnect to my professional self and envision rejoining my team.

And guess what? Lucas didn't miss me. He had a grand old time crawling, playing, eating and napping. When I walked back in the door, he was more interested in our cleaning lady. Later in the afternoon, he was crawling over to me, snuggling up while sucking his thumb, showing how much he missed me.

I should be relieved that I have a boy that adjusts so well to us leaving him for a while. Hopefully it means the transition to daycare will be smooth. But can't he just miss me a little?