Avoiding the Countdown

For the past few weeks, I have been avoiding the calendar. I haven't wanted to see how many weeks were left of my maternity leave and my time with Lucas. When people ask when I am returning to work, I say "June" which in my mind is three months away.

But I know it's a lot closer than that. I know that it's likely as many weeks as I have fingers on both hands (but I don't know for sure - not counting down!). Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to resuming the adult portion of my life, but I can't imagine only seeing Lucas' face for an hour or so in the morning and maybe a couple of hours at night. And what will my little boy do without me?

Today, I spent the morning with my colleagues at our "retreat," leaving Lucas with one of his lovely grandparents. The time was valuable for me to reconnect to my professional self and envision rejoining my team.

And guess what? Lucas didn't miss me. He had a grand old time crawling, playing, eating and napping. When I walked back in the door, he was more interested in our cleaning lady. Later in the afternoon, he was crawling over to me, snuggling up while sucking his thumb, showing how much he missed me.

I should be relieved that I have a boy that adjusts so well to us leaving him for a while. Hopefully it means the transition to daycare will be smooth. But can't he just miss me a little?